I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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