I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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