it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize