I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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