new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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