Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize