i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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