yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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