Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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