just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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