Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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