I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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