thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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