Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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