I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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