i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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