My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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