I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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