Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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