btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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