I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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