It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize