so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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