she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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