I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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