I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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