if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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