Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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