I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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