I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize