he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize