It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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