Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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