just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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