two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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