Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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