We won't sleep together?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize