apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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