if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
