I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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