if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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