Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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