god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize