my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize