note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize