Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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