He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i now understand why vodka
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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