so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize