I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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