I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize